Friday, 20 September 2013


What is it about socks, I asked myself? Before we moved house I gave up on the One Sock Club, which met on a storage box in our bedroom. I binned them, every last heel, sole and holey toe of them. And yet, within six weeks I had another lonely sock club. Everything else that goes through the wash comes out at the other end. Why not socks? I considered the theories. Maybe pairs of socks

a) part company as soon as they can because they hate each other, or

b) love each other so much that they blend into one sock during the final spin.

Neither idea sounded convincing to me. I asked Hamilton Bear about it and he said it's nothing to do with him, but he had that look as if he knows more than he's saying. Hamilton and I have no secrets from each other, so he must be keeping somebody else's secret. So who is he covering for? This is what I think.

We have two cuddly dogs here. There's Rowlff, who sits on Tony's desk, and I think was a present from Daughter long ago, and Wolfgang von Luddendorf, who used to belong to Uncle Gordon and now lives with us. He lives beside the television and sort of lies down to attention as if he's guarding us all. Everybody knows that dogs like socks. Our Daniel used to love them, especially the dirty smelly ones. Now, Rowlff and Wolfgang are very well behaved dogs and keep still when you're watching them, but we all know that toys get up to all sorts of things when your back is turned. And there's Dodger in the garden. I suspect he nips in when we're not looking, lies in wait for a sock, and grabs one trying to climb out of the laundry bin.

It has been too long since I told you about The Archers, and I know you're dying to find out, but really, it's all too much just now. The place is going to bits.

Caroline and Oliver went on holiday, and Oliver recommended a temporary manager for Grey Gables, the hotel, but he turned out to be a charlatan and did a runner. Ian the chef is now scraping Caroline off the ceiling with a spatula. Not only that, but Joe Grundy was celebrating his ninety-somethingth birthday at Grey Gables and had a nasty accident to do with too much Margarita and a badly fitted carpet. Helen Archer is having a whatnot with a married man, not just any married man, but Rob who is in charge of the evil mega-dairy. Ever the devoted single mother, she dumps little Henry with her mum and pretends she's going to a jewellery making class.

Kenton and Jolene are getting married. And some cows had babies. Moo.

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