Ooh!

Ooh, I am so excited. FIFTEEN THINGS NOT TO DO WITH A BABY is on the Book Trust list of the Best Books of 2015. Woo-hoo!

I feel so important. I think I shall employ a minder, a PR consultant, and a maiden to scatter flowers at my feet whenever I go to the paper shop.

I feel I have contributed something to society now. If it weren't for me, families all over the country would be pegging out their babies on the washing lines, sending them away in hot air balloons, and and swapping them for the school guinea pig.

I think I should now write one about FIFTEEN WAYS NOT TO RUN A COUNTRY. Don't put money before people. Don't make farmers sell milk for less than it cost to produce. Don't give all the top jobs to rich men from posh schools and then say we're all in this together, because we're not. Don't make people apply for jobs that they don't have a chance of getting because they're not qualified. Don't take money away from disabled people...

DO listen.