Much

All I can say is, they could 'ave asked me first.

It's about this 'ouse, the Old 'ouse of Stories. It belonged to the church, but when missus and 'er chap moved out that church were trying to get its act together and sort out 'ow many staff they would 'ave and where they'd put 'em. Missus 'oped they'd keep the old 'ouse of Stories, 'er being so fond of it, but it's up for sale now. It 'as to be done, and it's nowt to do with 'er now anyway, but, like I say, 'er were fond of it, specially the garden with 'er gooseberry bushes and apple trees and that, and them ducks.

Now, 'er only lived 'ere for six year, but me, I've been 'ere so long I've got moss growing over me feet. I should 'ave been asked. And I've just set up me Old Gnome 'ome, too, for all the old gnome gadgees and geezers to sit around smoking pipes and talking about how much better it were in the old days. Well, we're staying. No matter 'oo comes 'ere, we were 'ere first and we're made of stone, so what they going to do about it?

Eeh, it's a grand 'ouse, is this. Nice big rooms, and you should see that attic. There's a little window on the attic stair with views across the valley, 'er used to like to sit there. Quiet street, but only ten minutes walk from wherever 'er needed to be. Good neighbours and all. And she loved our river. So now she's 'oping that some little family moves in and loves it as much as she did. Kids to play in our garden. So if you're thinking of a nice family house int Calder Valley, it's in Mytholmroyd.