Much and the Election

What about us, then? What about the Gnome Vote?

Once again, nobody considers us gnomes in the run-up to the election, probably because we don't run up anywhere as a rule, we saunter or push wheelbarrows or ride about on snails. The only chance a gnome has to get noticed is if 'e paints 'imself red, white and green and sticks 'is stomach out. Plain stone gnomes like me are beneath notice. About four foot six beneath blooming notice. And I don't want to 'ear no facetious remarks about the Gnome Office and the National 'Elf Service either. I'm a very old gnome and them jokes 'ave been around for a good sixty years.

Let's look at what the gnomes 'ave done for this country. We don't just sit around gardens, y'know, we keep the weeds down. We provide endless entertainment to small children and yer neighbours. We promote good relationships with yer tooth fairies and yer wildlife, and it gets pretty blooming wild with some of them tooth fairies, let me tell you. And who keeps the man-eating tigers out of yer garden? We do. Yes, us, the gnomes. I don't suppose you've seen a man-eating tiger in yer garden, 'ave you? Thought not. If you ain't been eaten by a tiger, thank a gnome.

So what do we want? A bit of consideration, a good view, and a chat now and again.

When do we want it?

Dunno, really. We ain't going nowhere fast.