Fingal

I think I've got it now. Let's see.

Not all houses are near water. I think that's how it went. Yes, that's definitely it. Not all houses have a river, or the sea, or even a pond or a lake near enough to drop into when you roll out of bed in the morning. The new House of Stories is one of those. Nearly a mile tot he nearest river. Can't quite visualise it.

Ideally, it would be good to put this house on wheels and take it off to the North Tyne Valley. Or Anglesey. Or Stratford-on-Avon, maybe, anywhere there's a nice stretch of water. (Not Alnmouth, though. She says Alnmouth beach is one of her favourite places in the world, but she's had enough winters on the north-east coast and doesn't want another one. Or another summer on the north-east coast. You can't always tell the difference.)

As it is, the new House of Stories is nowhere near water. 'But it's got a water feature' she said. Then she told me what a water feature is. I hope I didn't upset her but I couldn't help it honestly, I laughed so much I fell out of the river and back in again.

It's a thing that looks like a pond with a tap thing and pipes and the water goes round and round and you turn it on and off again. A bit like making your own rain. Then in the winter you turn everything off and in the spring you turn it back on and, look, we've got a pond again! Good thing there aren't any fish in there. I asked her, have you explained it to the frogs?

So I'm sorry, she said, I'm sorry, but there's no river at the new house. Never mind, I said. When the pond's switched off I can just go indoors and splash about in the bath. It's one of those funny shaped baths that goes into the floor, I can't wait to try it. She's got some of that frothy stuff that you put in. And ducks, She's got ducks. Yellow ones.
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