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Bilmey, it's all romantic at the 'ouse of Stories this week, what with Lovely Younger Son and the Lassie getting engaged, and it were lovey-dovey day on Thursday. I don't go for all that Vallytines nonsense. Folks give each other roses, I ask you, roses, where do they get them in bloomin'February? And as for them soppy cards, you may as well wait untilthe weekend when they're selling 'em off cheap.

'Er weren't feeling romantic, Tony and 'er were on the way 'ome from Canterbury and getting stuck in traffic jams. Anyway, Tony give 'er a big chocolate heart with 'er name on it, and she give him a copy of an old movie called Arsenic and Old Lace. 'E's delighted with it! Apparently it's about two old ladies doing people in. Funny idea of romance, those two.

'Er were down 'ere today, as the weeds are starting to show, and we 'ad a little chat. That Himalayan Balsam's already starting to grow, she says, and it's a pernicious weed, I'm pulling 'em out as fast as they can put their little leaves up. You should try arsenic, I said. It worked for them two old ladies.