McGonagall, anyone?

Firstly, Mum and Dad love the book. So I've made somebody happy.

Now, the thing I meant to discuss. Our Writers Weekend was largely, and inspiringly, led by Nick Park. Just pop his name into Google and see what comes up. He's the author of The Tabloid Bible and The Wrong Messiah, amongst others. He's also something of an authority on the Worlds Worst Writers.

Top of his list is Amanda McKittrick Ross, who never used one word when ten would do, and on seeing Westminster Abbey was moved to write,

'Holy Moses! Take a look!
Flesh decayed in every nook!'

And then there's the wonderfully bad Wm McGonagall, as prolific as he was awful. Take his lines on the Death of Lord and Lady Dalhousie -

'Alas! Lord and Lady Dalhousie are dead, and buried at last.
Which causes many people to feel a little downcast.'

And it gets worse. Yes, it really does. But the best writers can have bad days. Wordsworth lived to regret writing these lines in The Thorn', about a pond -

'I've measured it from side to side,
Tis three feet long and two feet wide.'

This is a very good reason for putting your writing to one side, and then re-reading it two weeks later, slowly. I've done more re-writing than writing today. There were one or two phrases in my latest first draft that I can't possibly have written. Maybe one of Hamilton's friends did it when I wasn't looking.

What about you - any favourite bad quotes, bad authors, or just goofs?

Oh, by the way, I know you're all passionate to know about The Archers. Pat and Tony Archer and their son Tom, the sausage entrepreneur, have had a massive row. Clarrie is very upset, Eddie is worried and nobody's speaking to Vicky. And it wasn't even her fault.

BTW, Tom's older brother John died after a nasty accident with a tractor. Told you it's dangerous in Ambridge. : )