Gaslight

'Gaslight' was an old film about a man who was gradually breaking down his wife's confidence and putting doubts into her mind until she thought she was going insane. All this meant that she wouldn't suspect what he was really up to, or if she did, nobody would believe her.

I sometimes add a few funny little notes about The Archers on here (largely for the benefit of those of you Across The Pond who have to live without it.) And there have been some amusing little odds and ends there, largely to do with Linda Snell's building plans and the Fairbrother hens. But a much darker thread has been spinning for the last two years and it's now being talked about all over the country. It's to do with 'gaslighting'.

It's about Helen Archer, single mother of little Henry, who is swept off her feet by the charming Rob Tichener who arrived in the village trailing the remnants of his previous marriage behind him. They married, another baby was soon on the way. But throughout their marriage, he has 'gaslighted' her. He's made mistakes at work so that they looked as if she made them, and of course, she couldn't remember anything about it. One minor little shunt in the car, and he stopped her from driving. In the gentlest, most reasonable way, he would criticise, argue about her choices, put her in the wrong. He came between Helen and her friends and family, all the while seeming to be a Jolly Nice Chap Devoted To His Wife. He dominated Henry while looking like the perfect stepfather. When Helen has challenged him, he's persuaded her that she's overwrought and her judgment is impaired or it's all a silly misunderstanding. Even her parents were taken in. Her best friend was the only one who saw what was going on.

Finally, Helen threatens to leave him, there is a terrible row, he puts a knife into her hand and tells her she should kill herself. Henry comes to see what the noise is about, Helen finally cracks, and Rob ends up in hospital with multiple stab wounds. (The nation rises to its feet and cheers.) But Helen is now in custody. Rob is telling his side of the story. We await developments.

I'm putting this on the blog because GASLIGHTING HAPPENS, and not just between partners. Parents can do it to their children, undermining their confidence, making them feel helpless. I've known teachers who did it. 'Haven't I had enough trouble with you, can't you even get THAT right?' Families can do it to each other, children sometimes do it to each other. They may not altogether realise what they're doing, or how destructive it can be. It's insidious.

So if you catch yourself gaslighting someone, recognise what you're doing and stop. If you see it being done, challenge it. Let's shine a true light on gaslighting.