Much

'Er's not safe with a pair of secateurs. Never was, mind, but 'er's getting worse.

'Er's taken up flower arranging. Flower arranging, yeah. Blooming 'eck. 'Er's rubbish at anything like that. Can't even hang the washing straight. 'Er likes sewing but 'er ain't no good at it, and 'er can't draw a thing. Now, even at this time of year, 'er's off round the garden snipping stuff and saying 'this'll come in'. Spiky stuff, 'alf dead stuff, whatever, it's not safe from 'er. Must be costing 'er the earth, too, buying flowers and stuff. Why blooming flower arranging?

Cos it doesn't matter, she says. Cos it'll be fun, and the class is only ten minutes walk away, and I think I'll like it. I'd like to make beautiful flower arrangements, says 'er, and if they go wrong it don't matter. If I can't get a book right, it don't get published and I don't get paid and I'll 'ave to go out and get a proper job and get up early in the mornings. I'm a mum, she says, if you're a mum you 'ave to be an OK one at least. I like to get together with me old Mum and Dad, and there's all that kids' stuff that I do, I have to do it proper and not let anyone down.

But flower arranging? Who cares if I mess it up? You can see 'er point. Nobody's going to be let down if 'er sticks a dahlia in upside down, are they? Won't hurt anyone if her ferns flop. Worst 'er can do is poke herself in the eye with a lupin, and give us all a laugh. And she came 'ome last night with her arrangement (some sort of chrysanthemum thing with pointy bits poking out of it) and weren't she pleased with 'erself. To be honest, it didn't look bad.

Story readers, I have been neglecting you. How long is it since I told you about the Archers, and it's so exciting! Listen up -

David and Ruth Archer are going to sell up at Brookfield and move to Northumberland! Now, you and I know they couldn't go anywhere better, but excuse me? David and Ruth belong at Brookfield and Brookfield belongs to them. Of course, we know it won't really happen.

The whole Roy and Elizabeth thing ended in tears. I'm not saying I told you so, but I'm thinking it.

They all had a wonderful Bonfire Night. Kenton Archer set something on fire and the Guy was wearing Joe Grundy's old long johns.

The pheasants flew away. That's what they do. The people who'd paid to shoot at them weren't pleased.

Did the pheasants flying away have anything to do with Joe Grundy's old long johns? I wouldn't be surprised.