MOT

One of those moments today that you pretend hasn't happened. A man arrived giving out fliers for a local garage. Nothing the matter with that, except that I was in the front garden at the time, talking to the gooseberries. I was just telling them how well they were doing and what a lovely lot of beautiful green leaves they had when Bob from the garage turns up offering a good deal on the MOT.

Readers over the Pond may not be familiar with MOT. It's an annual car test, which has to be done by an accredited garage. If the car fails on anything - say, worn brake pads, cracked windscreen, bald tyres, strange noises, bits dropping off, one wheel missing - the work has to be done before the vehicle can pass its MOT and be roadworthy.

So, if I were a car, would I pass?

Poor ignition. Slow to start in the mornings.

Brakes poor and noisy, sometimes fails to stop at all unless meeting brick wall.

Fuel consumption good. Runs on tea/coffee, toast, marmalade. Three chapters to a full tank.

Body work deteriorating.

Battery needs recharge.

Manual missing.

Very cracked.

Action to be taken - Immerse in hot bath. Apply good book. Hug. Place beside gooseberry bushes as garden ornament.

- 'Garden ornament! I 'ate garden ornaments! It'll be fairies next' - MUCH